Taking Care of Me

Sunday, October 19, 2025 - National LGBTQ+ Center Day

Cass Helm (she/her)

Board Member, LOVEboldly

Director of Administrative Operations, Stonewall Columbus

Queer Believer

The last 365 days so much has happened. I don’t just mean to me personally and I am sure we all know that. Especially since I am writing this after the 2024 election. I don’t know if I can put the last 365 days into only 1000 words. What I do know is that I am not done fighting.

My body, heart, soul, and mind might be tired, but my will is not. I have lived so many lives, and I am just getting started. As I work to heal from my own past traumas and current stress triggers, I am reminded that I am so fucking strong and that nothing can stand in my way of waking up and putting one foot in front of the other. What is new to me is putting my own oxygen mask on first. Making the time and effort to put my own needs before anything else in this world.

When I wake up in the morning there is nothing wrong with taking my time to focus on what my current body, heart, soul, and mind need in that precise moment. That might look like taking an extra 15 minutes to snuggle my dogs and wipe the sleep out of my eyes before looking at my phone to see what next task needs to be tackled

today. That might look like a hot shower that I don’t just rush through, but I take my time in. That might look like having a cup of coffee while listening to Stevie Nicks.

Anything can be considered that if it brings me joy and peace. No one in the world is going to know what each of us truly need for our individual selves. Why can’t we start giving ourselves the love that we give others? Why don’t we show ourselves our favorite love languages?

Better yet, show yourself all of them.

When I began a new journey of self-discovery three years ago, I never realized how easy it could be to take care of myself in a positive way, the trick is continuing to take care of myself even when the world is burning down around me (not literally y’all or is it?!). I have always put others before myself, call it my Southern upbringing, trauma responses, or just because I love seeing others happy. I also have never been good at telling others what I need or asking for help. I expect people to just know like I do, I just know what people need, sometimes before they do. This isn’t a brag of any sort, it is exhausting and not something that is always healthy, but when I use it in a healthy way it is a bit of a superpower. Anyway, when people don’t just know I have often felt unappreciated. That is something that I have been able to notice and work on and I have gotten much better about not being upset with others for not knowing what I need (I am healing, not healed). To help myself not feel unappreciated I started to take care of me the way I take care of others. Making myself nice meals, even when no one was there to share them, was a big way to learn to do this. I love to cook for others, I love knowing that they love my food, I love hearing about it, and I love enjoying

meals with the people I care about. It only made sense that I could do that for myself as well, yes, I even compliment myself. It seems like a small thing now, but it opened an entire part of myself that showed me how to do things for myself that I would do for anyone else. It helped me to see my worth and know that I am just as worthy of great things as the people I care about.

Showing myself kindness and what I needed to feel comfortable, appreciated, confident, and loved.

Now we fast forward to now, the present day. I still do small things for myself, but life has made it much more difficult not to be drawn to putting others before myself again. I have felt so out of control because of life lifing that I have fallen back into those old habits of not being aware of my own needs again. It is important that I stop and remember that I can’t take care of anyone or anything if I don’t take care of myself. I have to ensure my oxygen mask is on first and that I can thrive before moving on to the bigger issue(s) at hand.

We don’t have to do any of this alone, we don’t, I mean that with my entire heart, but we can take care of ourselves along the way. Love yourself the way you love the people you love the most so that you can fight another day. I am.

Testimony in Support of Ohio HB415 - The CROWN Act.

Testimony submitted to the Ohio House Education Committee by the Rev. Dr. Ben Huelskamp.

Strong Support for House Bill 415 – The CROWN Act

Chair Fowler Arthur, Vice Chair Odioso, Ranking Member Brennan, and Members of the House Education Committee:

Thank you for the opportunity to submit testimony in strong support of House Bill 415, the Creating a Respectful and Open World for Natural Hair (CROWN) Act. This legislation represents a crucial step toward dismantling discrimination that has long targeted Black girls and women in our schools, and I ask that you move this bill forward for a vote in the House and beyond.

As the Pastor of Blue Ocean Faith Columbus, a progressive Christian congregation rooted in social justice, and as Executive Director of LOVEboldly, an organization committed to creating spaces where LGBTQIA+ people can flourish in their faith, I have witnessed firsthand the harm that results when any person is made to feel that who they are, as they created by God, is somehow unacceptable or unprofessional. Hair discrimination is not a trivial matter of dress codes or aesthetics. It is a form of racial discrimination that sends a devastating message to BIPOC students, particularly Black women girls: that their natural beauty must be altered, hidden, or conformed to Eurocentric standards to be deemed acceptable in educational spaces.

The sacred texts I hold dear remind us that every person is created in the divine image, fearfully and wonderfully made. When we discriminate against students because of their natural hair texture or protective hairstyles (braids, locks, twists, and others) we deny the inherent dignity and worth that the God has bestowed upon them. We send a message that contradicts the very foundation of our faith: that all are beloved, that all belong, that all are worthy exactly as they are.

The CROWN Act addresses a real and documented problem. Across our nation, Black students have been suspended, sent home, or barred from participating in school activities because of their natural hair. These policies and practices don’t just violate civil rights, they inflict psychological harm, create barriers to education, and perpetuate systemic racism. When a child is told that their hair is a distraction or violation of policy, we are teaching them that their Blackness is something to be managed, controlled, or erased rather than celebrated.

As people of faith and as Ohioans committed to justice, we are called to do better. The prophet Micah reminds us to “do justice, love kindness, and walk humbly” (Micah 6:8). This bill is an opportunity to do justice for students who have been marginalized and discriminated against simply for existing in their authentic identities. It is an opportunity to create truly inclusive learning environments where every child can focus on their education rather than whether their appearance will be deemed acceptable by administrators enforcing discriminatory policies.

The CROWN Act is also common-sense policy. It clarifies that race-based discrimination includes discrimination based on traits historically associated with race, including hair texture and styles. It provides clear legal protections and recourse for students who experience such discrimination. And it sends a powerful message that Ohio values all of its students and will not tolerate policies that treat Black children as problems to be solved rather than as precious individuals to be nurtured and supported.

Twenty-four (24) states have already enacted CROWN Act legislation, recognizing that this is both a civil rights imperative and a moral necessity. Ohio has the opportunity to join them, to declare that in our schools, discrimination based on natural hair will not be tolerated, and that every student deserves to learn in an environment free from bias and prejudice.

I urge you to advance HB 415 out of committee and support its passage in the House. Our Black students deserve schools that celebrate their full humanity. Our communities deserve policies rooted in equity and justice. And our state deserves to be on the right side of history on this issue.

Thank you for your time and consideration. I am grateful for your service to the people of Ohio, and I hope you will demonstrate that service by championing this important legislation.

With gratitude and hope for justice,

Rev. Dr. Ben Huelskamp

Pastor, Blue Ocean Faith Columbus

Executive Director, LOVEboldly

In the Details

Monday, October 13, 2025

Happy Monday, my friends! My aunt loved details. She enjoyed planning events, working through all the details and relationships required to make even the most mundane family gathering special. When the event or her part of the event didn’t go to plan, she wasn’t fun to be around and if you were the reason for the problem…well, you needed to go elsewhere, even if the party was for you. When I tried to plan my college graduation party, she all but made me sit outside. You see, some people like details and they thrive only if all the details are met. Others can’t stand details or are calm enough to be spontaneous. I’m a type-A leader who stresses over every little detail. I hate planning events because I’m a big ball of nerves and emotions. Some of you know how I can get if the catering doesn’t arrive on time or people are late for an event.

I firmly believe that God neither calls us to be comfortable nor do they call us to suffer.

This past weekend, LOVEboldly and Blue Ocean Faith Columbus hosted Bishop Tim Wolfe in Columbus for a series of programs, meetings, and social time. Planning that visit[1] brought up every nervous habit I have including several moments of ADHD-induced decision paralysis. From making hotel reservations to reserving spots for programs to coordinating the details of Bishop’s sermon at Blue Ocean. Some people say that the devil’s in the details, but despite how nervous details make me, I still like to think that God’s in the details.

I firmly believe that God neither calls us to be comfortable nor do they call us to suffer. God knows that humans need to get outside our comfort zones if we have any chance to grow and develop. We need to be stretched and have our thoughts and opinions challenged. One of the great dangers of our insular, media-driven world is that we often don’t have to engage other ideas if we don’t want to engage. We can isolate ourselves to increasingly siloed echo chambers and forget what debate and compromise felt like. These echo chambers are even more destructive for those of us who can largely move through the world unmolested because of our gender, gender expression, race, and access to cultural capital. When your identity is centered, that is privileged, and you can walk through the world with that privilege, your lack of engagement with others makes you dangerous to people who for their very survival, must engage with others, because you no longer can recognize the trouble and hate your neighbors experience.[2] 

What echo chambers are you caught in right now? How does the God who shows up in the details disrupt your comfort zones?

Let us pray: God, we invite you into all the places where we are comfortable, because we know you call us out of those places and agitate us to action. Break open our echo chambers and dismantle the walls we’ve constructed that make us feel good, but which block out opportunities for contact, connection, and growth. Stretch us, God, and help us grow, not only has your people, but as siblings to every person with whom we come into contact, particularly the people you put in our paths. We ask this so that we can be more like you and so that we can be your hands, feet, and voice in our world. We pray in the name of Jesus, our model, liberator, and savior. Amen.

Blessings on your weeks, my friends! Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Faithfully,

Ben +    

[1] Bear in mind that I’m writing this essay the week before it’s delivered so I can’t comment yet on the success or failure of the weekend. I do hope it’s a success.

[2] For a further discussion of these ideas, check out Howard Thurman’s arguments in Jesus and the Disinherited.