March 5, 2025
Br. Ian Boden, OLF (he/him)
Life Professed Sibling, Order of Lutheran Franciscans
Queer Christian
O Lord, open my lips, and my mouth shall proclaim your praise. For you take no delight in sacrifice, or I would give it. You are not pleased with burnt offering. The sacrifice of God is a troubled spirit; a troubled and broken heart, O God, you will not despise. (Psalm 51:15-17)
We often try to hide ourselves. To shield others from our brokenness and troubles, perhaps we even try to keep them away from God. Perhaps this is because we live in a world that values perfection too much. Perhaps we simply do not wish to bother others with our own stuff, they have enough of their own. Perhaps we think we can do it all on our own. Or, perhaps, it is because we are afraid. We are afraid that if we are vulnerable, so very and truly authentic, we will be hurt, ignored, abused, neglected, or rejected. Being vulnerable is a scary thing. Being authentic is terrifying. It is so often the easier option to hide, to tuck away the parts of ourselves we perceive as broken or troubled. We hide away the parts of ourselves we are afraid will be rejected by others, even God. We are afraid that our cries for mercy will be met with silence. And our need for love will not be met.
Yet, we persist. We show ourselves in sometimes small ways. We offer ourselves vulnerably to those we come to trust. We learn who we are as we dive into what it means to be authentically ourselves. It is not a linear task, it is a winding road and ongoing proves. We are invited by a God whose love knows no bounds to wrestle not just with our identity and offer up our own brokenness but to also bring our fears to the one who knit us together in our mother’s womb and knew us before we knew ourselves. The things we hide are already known to God. God does not desire for us to keep any parts of ourselves in the closet. Perhaps instead of hiding parts of ourselves from God, we instead offer them up to the one who lovingly formed us and lovingly abides with us.
We open our lips and proclaim God’s praise, as the psalmist says, not because God ignores our shortcomings, or our flaws or our brokenness, but we proclaim God’s praise because God accepts all that we are, the parts we delight in, the parts we are not sure about, and the parts we try to hide. God always has and always will accept all that we are. God does not reject us, God delights in us. God does not abandon or hurt us, God abides with us.
Ash Wednesday is not a happy day in the church year. It is a day when we remember our mortality and our own brokenness. Yet as the psalmist articulates, our God is not one who shies away from our human brokenness or troubles, but instead accepts them and I believe holds us more gently than we can ever hold ourselves. On Ash Wednesday we remember our mortality and that in our mortality we are met by a God who accepts all that we are, with boundless grace and mercy and offers us abundant love and life everlasting.
Reflection
How can we be more authentic, that is to be more of our whole self, before God?
What are the parts of yourself that you try to hide from God? Why?
Call to Action
Bring all that you are, your brokenness, flaws, joys, celebrations, laments, every feeling and every messy bit of yourself to God in some prayerful way. Be wholly and authentically you in prayer. And trust that God does not despise you, God will not turn from you but know that God delights in our authenticity as we rest in the promise that God is God, and we are not.
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