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On Struggling or Trying Not to be an Asshole

September 30, 2024


Happy Monday, my friends! I sat down to write this Monday Moment in a really bad mood. I was sitting in my mom’s hospital room trying to get some work done and simultaneously struggling with my mom’s condition and what felt like very unorganized care between different physicians, nurses, therapists, and others. From my perspective no one was talking to anyone else even though they all theoretically had access to the same information.

I’m a natural connector and organizer. I find immense joy in getting to know people and then putting those people with other people who share similar interests or with whom they can collaborate to do more than they could do separately. I also appreciate spaces where people have the information they need, or they have access to the information they need. Perhaps that’s why I struggle in situations where information seems limited or where people don’t seem inclined to find the information to answer questions.


However, without knowing it, I had given into stereotyping my mom’s team members based on their warmth and their competence.[1] My mom rarely had the same nurses day-to-day and as we met each new nurse, I routinely evaluated them on how competent they seemed and how “nice” they were to Mom and to us. How many times do we find ourselves in positions where difficult situations push us to make judgements that we would not otherwise make?


Ultimately, what brought me out of my mood and what got me to see the judgements I had been making was engaging with our LOVEboldly Fellows and being back in a situation with people I respect doing “my” work. There are times when the catharsis we need is in fact our work.


When have you drawn stereotypes without knowing it? When has work been your relief?

Let us pray: God, help us not be assholes[2] even when difficult situations make assholery very easy. Grant us the grace to persevere even when we’re tired and struggling. Make us people who work with each other rather than judge each other. We ask this through Jesus who experienced many bad days and situations. Amen.


Blessings on your weeks, my friends! Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.


Faithfully,


Ben


PS. As I discussed above, I wrote this Monday Moment while struggling. I apologize for its meandering composition and perhaps frazzled affect.

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