Taking Care of Me

Sunday, October 19, 2025 - National LGBTQ+ Center Day

Cass Helm (she/her)

Board Member, LOVEboldly

Director of Administrative Operations, Stonewall Columbus

Queer Believer

The last 365 days so much has happened. I don’t just mean to me personally and I am sure we all know that. Especially since I am writing this after the 2024 election. I don’t know if I can put the last 365 days into only 1000 words. What I do know is that I am not done fighting.

My body, heart, soul, and mind might be tired, but my will is not. I have lived so many lives, and I am just getting started. As I work to heal from my own past traumas and current stress triggers, I am reminded that I am so fucking strong and that nothing can stand in my way of waking up and putting one foot in front of the other. What is new to me is putting my own oxygen mask on first. Making the time and effort to put my own needs before anything else in this world.

When I wake up in the morning there is nothing wrong with taking my time to focus on what my current body, heart, soul, and mind need in that precise moment. That might look like taking an extra 15 minutes to snuggle my dogs and wipe the sleep out of my eyes before looking at my phone to see what next task needs to be tackled

today. That might look like a hot shower that I don’t just rush through, but I take my time in. That might look like having a cup of coffee while listening to Stevie Nicks.

Anything can be considered that if it brings me joy and peace. No one in the world is going to know what each of us truly need for our individual selves. Why can’t we start giving ourselves the love that we give others? Why don’t we show ourselves our favorite love languages?

Better yet, show yourself all of them.

When I began a new journey of self-discovery three years ago, I never realized how easy it could be to take care of myself in a positive way, the trick is continuing to take care of myself even when the world is burning down around me (not literally y’all or is it?!). I have always put others before myself, call it my Southern upbringing, trauma responses, or just because I love seeing others happy. I also have never been good at telling others what I need or asking for help. I expect people to just know like I do, I just know what people need, sometimes before they do. This isn’t a brag of any sort, it is exhausting and not something that is always healthy, but when I use it in a healthy way it is a bit of a superpower. Anyway, when people don’t just know I have often felt unappreciated. That is something that I have been able to notice and work on and I have gotten much better about not being upset with others for not knowing what I need (I am healing, not healed). To help myself not feel unappreciated I started to take care of me the way I take care of others. Making myself nice meals, even when no one was there to share them, was a big way to learn to do this. I love to cook for others, I love knowing that they love my food, I love hearing about it, and I love enjoying

meals with the people I care about. It only made sense that I could do that for myself as well, yes, I even compliment myself. It seems like a small thing now, but it opened an entire part of myself that showed me how to do things for myself that I would do for anyone else. It helped me to see my worth and know that I am just as worthy of great things as the people I care about.

Showing myself kindness and what I needed to feel comfortable, appreciated, confident, and loved.

Now we fast forward to now, the present day. I still do small things for myself, but life has made it much more difficult not to be drawn to putting others before myself again. I have felt so out of control because of life lifing that I have fallen back into those old habits of not being aware of my own needs again. It is important that I stop and remember that I can’t take care of anyone or anything if I don’t take care of myself. I have to ensure my oxygen mask is on first and that I can thrive before moving on to the bigger issue(s) at hand.

We don’t have to do any of this alone, we don’t, I mean that with my entire heart, but we can take care of ourselves along the way. Love yourself the way you love the people you love the most so that you can fight another day. I am.