The Sociable Weaver

Monday, July 21, 2025

Happy Monday, my friends! I spent almost a week in Atlanta, GA, recently attending the Holy Convocation of The Fellowship of Affirming Ministries (TFAM). Importantly, this particular convocation celebrated the 25^th anniversary of TFAM and the 70^th birthday of TFAM’s founder, Bishop Yvette Flunder.[1] During convocation I was ordained[2] as a clergyperson in TFAM and joined over 50 other people in being ordained or granted privilege of call within the fellowship. We were the largest class of ordinands and inductees in TFAM’s history.

The structure of Holy Convocation was a mix of a professional conference and a religious gathering. Most days we had morning prayer and a sermon or presentation from a noted faith leader. Then we had a plenary session featuring panels of other leaders. Parallel to TFAM’s primary programming was a youth track led by the Sankofa[3] Children’s Initiative. The youth led a short morning worship service for us one morning as well. In the afternoons there were sponsored lunches and breakout sessions on a variety of theological, social justice, organizing, and practical ministry topics. After a break for dinner, we had evening worship with gifted preachers and musicians that lasted for two or more hours often concluding after 9pm.

The sociable weaver is a fascinating bird native to South Africa. In order to survive in desert conditions, it builds nests which shelter large communities of birds, in some cases other types of birds find homes among the sociable weaver’s nests. It’s no surprise then that the sociable weaver has often been used as an image for community. The love and care for each other was palatable, even though many of us had only recently met or only spent time with each other at TFAM events. When you consider TFAM, you can’t help but note that marginalization and oppression is a consistent and unifying experience of our members. TFAM was founded by largely Black and Queer people with a large number of women and people assigned female at birth among them. It’s not lost on anyone that our founder and leader is a Black, Queer, woman. The shared trauma, much of that in or adjacent to the church, and our shared calls to build affirming spaces in the very same church, links us together in a way that few other experiences could. Though many of us work separately and in isolated, solo calls, our shared backgrounds create a special bond among us, almost before we really know each other. That bond might best be called love.

Getting to know those people was pure magic. From people currently working in or formerly affiliated with major institutions of theological education, prominent and historic congregations, and major voices for justice to founders and employees of small churches and nonprofits and everyone in-between. Many of us are bi-vocational[4] pastors, splitting our capacity between multiple pulls on our time and resources. And can these folks worship, pray, and preach! Yes, TFAM’s founders were and continue to be Pentecostals, but I quickly found that I was not the only person with a liturgical background in calmer (some would say “boring”) church traditions. Our Midwest region took a group picture one night with maybe 15 or so people. After the group broke up, one person remarked, “Can you believe the 15 of us represent ten denominations?” For all the gospel music, praise moments, clapping, people standing and lifting their hands, speaking in tongues, and running and dancing around the worship space, we had current and former Methodists, Lutherans, Episcopalians, Presbyterians, MCCs, UCCs, AMEs, CMEs, Baptists of many stripes, Unitarian Universalists, and, yes, even Roman Catholics.[5] TFAM could exist with different people, but TFAM’s people are the kind who greet you like they’ve always known you and treat you like family from the first meeting. Proverbially and sometimes literally, walking into a TFAM gathering is like walking into someone’s home during the holidays. Long before you say more than your name you’ve hugged ten people, and your plate is full of food. Amen? Amen.

How do you build spaces of radical embrace? How is love apparent among your gatherings?

Let us pray: “We still believe in God’s amazing power. We still believe in God’s unwavering truth. We still believe in every single promise. We still believe, we still believe.

We still believe in justice and freedom. We still believe that justice is for all. We still believe in faith that won’t be silenced. We still believe, we still believe.

We still believe in joy as resistance. We still believe in those who came before. We still believe in faith walking boldly. We still believe, we still believe.

We still believe that history is our teacher. To have the truth of all our stories told. We still believe that future generations, will carry forward, will carry on.

We still believe that Mother Earth is sacred. We’re called to care and tend to all her needs. The earth is crying, and we are called to mend her. Her healing comes, when we still believe.”[6] Amen.

Blessings on your weeks, my friends! Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Faithfully,

Ben

[1] Bishop Flunder handled being constantly reminded of her 70^th birthday with far more grace than, at 38, I handle mention of my 40^th birthday.

[2] For close ecclesiastical observers, yes, Blue Ocean Faith Columbus ordained me in June 2024, and, therefore, strictly speaking, should not have been ordained again by TFAM. However, TFAM’s House of Bishops and I agreed that calling my induction into TFAM “ordination” rather than “privilege of call” made more sense because I have never been ordained or licensed in a (inter)national denomination. In practice, the rite of ordination and induction made almost no distinction between the two groups. Hands were laid, prayers were said, and we were joyously received into TFAM together.

[3] Sankofa is a concept best described as “looking back so that we can move forward.”

[4] A “bi-vocational pastor” (or leader) is a person who works at least one job in addition to their pastoral or ministry role. Some folks, like me, have the privilege of working in a closely related role—leading a faith-based nonprofit (LOVEboldly) and being the pastor of a congregation (Blue Ocean Faith Columbus)—while many others work 40+ hours a week for a business in addition to leading a congregation.

[5] While many TFAM members, particularly clergy, are former members of these denominations, a significant number of TFAM clergy hold standing in both the UCC and TFAM. Many TFAM-affiliated congregations or congregations served by TFAM clergy are primarily affiliated with the UCC, including City of Refuge UCC, the congregation Bishop Flunder founded before founding TFAM.

[6] Written by Dr. Patrisha Gill as the anthem for TFAM’s 2025 Holy Convocation.

You are Distracted by Many Things

Sunday, July 20, 2025

The Rev. Dr. Ben Huelskamp (he/they)

Executive Director, LOVEboldly

Queer Christian

Now as they went on their way, he entered a certain village, where a woman named Martha welcomed him into her home. She had a sister named Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet and listened to what he was saying. But Martha was distracted by her many tasks; so she came to him and asked, “Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me.” But the Lord answered her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42)

Seventeen years ago, today, I was completing a summer internship at St. Alban’s Episcopal Church in Washington, DC. It was the summer between by sophomore and junior year of college and also the first summer after I came out as a Queer man. St. Alban’s, the historic parish church on the grounds of the National Cathedral, was a place of privilege, power, and wealth, that was also living into its call as an urban congregation. I had many experiences and learned many things for which I was neither expecting nor prepared. And on July 20, 2008, I stepped into the historic pulpit equally unprepared to deliver my first sermon ever.

Yes, I had written and rewritten that sermon. I had practiced giving it from the pulpit more times than most preachers have to rehearse all their sermons in a year.

During one of those rehearsals, the church’s director of finance dutifully listened and responded, “I feel like you have a lot to say.” Her words rang in my head and until the night before I preached. I had so much I wanted to say and I became distracted by all of those topics.

Sometimes it’s not just prudent, it’s better to focus on the task and stay out of the weeds. Martha was trying to do a good thing, but Mary focused on their guest. She chose to focus on Jesus.

Reflection

What distracts your attention?

What are the (many) things that you have to say?

Action

Make a list of what distracts you. What helps you remain present?

"We Are Family"

Monday, July 14, 2025

Happy Monday, my friends! As most of you know I recently returned from a week in Atlanta, GA, for Holy Convocation with The Fellowship of Affirming Ministries (TFAM). The experience was exhausting, enlightening, challenging, powerful, and loving. I now understand what people have said about TFAM embracing and loving on perfect strangers until they become family. That’s precisely what I experienced. I left convocation with so many new friends and connections, people who in most cases I had never met only several days earlier.

Family can be a challenging reality for LGBTQIA+ people. Far too often Queer people have been rejected by their families and denied the opportunity to create their own families. Though not limited to Queer people, you will often hear us talk about chosen families or those people who have become our family because of experience, circumstance, and the fact that love is neither exclusively biological nor tribal. We can also find ourselves in families whether or not we consciously chose those families. A truth among introverts is that we were often discovered by extroverts and pulled into groups. Some people, including many introverts, conclude that this is one of the ways, maybe the only way, that we find friends.[1] 

I’m immensely blessed and privileged to have been born into a family which has always supported me. Though my aunt once remarked that my parents, sister, and I naturally operate at a higher decibel level, they have embraced all that makes me who I am from being a nerd to being a church geek and pastor to being the Queer person I continue to live into. There will never be any family which will be more important or profound to me than my parents, sister, brother-in-law, and nephew, unless I build one myself with a partner and/or children. That said, I’m blessed to be a member of many other families including, in no particular order, my LOVEboldly family; my Blue Ocean Columbus family; my Phi Mu Delta family; my Sewanee, UVM, and MTSO families; my Middle Church family; my New York, Pennsylvania, and Ohio families; my Cambridge, OH, family; my Queer family, particularly in Ohio; and now my TFAM family. Each of these families means something special to me with people who have shaped who I am and have continued to support and love me even across distance and time.

The impact of family, of having people who love us, who ally themselves with us, who allow themselves to be vulnerable with us, cannot be underestimated. The Trevor Project’s national surveys of LGBTQIA+ youth and young adult mental health consistently demonstrate that youth who are supported and affirmed in their identities experience a lower incidence of suicidal ideation and suicide attempts.[2] The Bible, too, speaks to our need for family and is ripe with all kinds and configurations of families. Yes, the Bible demonstrates that family can be more than any simplistic “natural” or “traditional” idea of what a family “should” be.

What families are in your life? Where have you found and built families?

Let us pray: God, whose family includes every person who is alive and every person who has ever lived, we thank you for our families. Thank you for parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles, piblings[3], children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, niblings[4], cousins, friends, partners, spouses, and the many people who are members of our families regardless of their biological, adoptive, or familiar connections to us. Bless the people who love us and grant, we ask you, safety and peace to each person we love. Help us build and grow our families as we reflect your love to the people we meet. May our world know more love and less destruction, more connection and less division. We ask this all in the name of Jesus, our liberator. Amen.

Blessings on your weeks, my friends. Please let me know if there is anything I can do for you.

Faithfully,

Ben +

[1] While Myers Briggs places me right on the cusp between “introvert” and “extrovert,” I strongly lean into the introvert camp. I maintain, however, that I’m an introvert who loves people.

[2] The Trevor Project. 2024 U. S. National Survey on the Mental Health of LGBTQ+ Young People. Retrieved from https://www.thetrevorproject.org/survey-2024/#intro on July 9, 2025.

[3] One of several gender inclusive options for aunts and uncles (a combination of the words “parent” and “sibling”).

[4] One of several gender inclusive options for nieces and nephews (like “pibling,” modeled on the word “sibling” and the “n” from “niece” and “nephew”).